Maybe Just This Once
by RedButterfly-1216
Summary: Know one notices that I have broken down... Only him... I wish just this once i could tell him without worring about the consiquences... As Winter melts away, i feel as though i do too.


AN: well anyway… hi… I'm going to make this short and sweet… R&R

Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba…

Maybe Just This Once

It was when the snow started falling that I remembered his cold heart. How he felt for that one moment protecting me from that one fall. Maybe if things were different I could tell him. There are things I guess that can't ever be expressed in words. Like love.

I don't know when I started to feel this feeling of longing. I don't remember the last time I ever thought anything could make me smile a real smile again. There was once when I felt the pain of letting someone go, again. After Kyou was locked up in the old house far away from everyone, I lost it. I wanted to say I am sorry that I couldn't change the curse. I came to see Kyou every chance I got. Though I was breaking down by myself, no one noticed except for him…

I sat on the roof top of the school like Kyou used to, when someone came beside me and sat down. I never knew who it was until I turned and looked him in his sad eyes. Those eyes that seemed frozen in a winter that never ended. It seemed cold and held no emotions, but I knew better than that. I knew inside he also felt sad and broken like I did.

"Tohru- kun, I thought you would be up here…" his deep voice vibrating calmly in the silent air.

"How are you feeling nowadays?"

"I don't know what to say anymore Hatori… I fell broken maybe, or just sick of life." My voice trembled out.

We sat there for what seemed like eternity when his warm hands whipped my salty tears away. I cried not only because I felt lonely, but also selfish because I knew he felt more pain than me. I wanted to tell him I cared and he wasn't alone. I was here and I wish he would notice, but what was I thinking. He is ten years my senior. I am foolish for ever thinking such nonsense.

With that thought I got up slowly and tuned around to face him. I gave him a bright smile and said," Maybe just this once…"

I never got to finish what I said because as soon as I started I ran. I couldn't face him. I felt that longing felling again and I couldn't stand it. I don't' know what this felling is, but I just want to go away.

Since Kyou was locked up, I left Shigure's house and returned to my grandfather and his family. Shigure, Yuki and I don't keep in contact as much anymore. I go to school and I usually am quieter now. Hana and Uo, are still there for me. They've noticed the difference of how I have been acting around the Sohmas. I try so hard not to cry in front of them, but inside I feel as though the pain will never stop.

I am in my cousin's room and doing my home work when she comes barging in yelling about how I am so coring and ugly. Maybe it's true. Maybe I am boring and ugly. No one would ever really love me. I stood up from my bed and left to start dinner since aunty and my uncle tell me that I should do the cooking and laundry if I want to live here.

As I make dinner I let a tear unknowingly slide down my pale cheek. I take out the plates and place them on the dinner table. The food is finally situated the way it should be. I let everyone know and I leave for my room. I don't feel like enduring much more pain. Maybe tomorrow will be better…

"Man, I can't believe it's almost Christmas break in three days!" Uo sighed heavily.

"I know, the feeling Uo." Hana agreed.

"How about you Tohru?" They both asked simultaneously.

"Huh, Oh I am sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Are you okay Tohru, you've been acting weird lately." "It's like you don't care about anything anymore."

"No, no I'm fine… I feel better now…." I answer hiding what I really feel.

"Well okay then, let's go eat lunch outside then." Uo insisted.

The rest of the day went away peacefully, that is until an announcement came on the speaker asking for me to attend the main offices. I walked out of the class room wondering what could it have been when I ran into Sohma-kun. It was silent when our eyes met and we shared a few words. The most words in a few months. I felt as though my world crashed again when he left. I slowly began my journey to the office again. When I arrived I slid the door open to reveal him. How is it that I can face him? I still haven't figured out what I feel towards this very person. Do I have feelings that are more than friendship based? I don't know. I sat down and didn't look him in the eyes.

"Tohru-kun… look at me. Why did you run away from me? You worried me…"

"I…I don't k...know what to say. I just … I want to t...tell you something, but it's hard and it isn't reasonable…" I said trembling.

Hatori sat there looking at Tohru with sad eyes, wishing that he could tell her something that has been held captive in his frozen heart for a long, long time. He felt the pain of losing someone once and he didn't want to lose her, so he held it in. He just couldn't do it to her. He couldn't break her more than she already is. All he wanted to do was comfort her. That is all he can do for now, comfort her.

He stood up and bent down to where Tohru stood. He lifted her face to look at him with his gentle hands. As she looked up at him her tears fell. She realized that moment what that longing was for. It was for him. She wanted him to love her, like he used to love Kana. She didn't realize that Hatori was fighting his inner feelings. He wanted to just hold her if only once. He moved forward and kissed her forehead and hugged her.

"Tohru… Aishiteru."

"I love you too, Hatori."


End file.
